Almost One Year Later

Today I had some time alone and I started to think about my life and my past experiences. I realized that one year ago, believe it or not, I was in my fifth month living at a juvenile behavioral institution.

Two and a half years ago, around the age of 13/14, I started to involve my self in a pretty bad lifestyle. I won't go into details, but it led me to some not so great places in my life, hence the first paragraph.

So, today I was thinking about my life at that point and how much of a different person I am now. It is incredible how much I have matured and learned in only one year. I feel as if a went through a complete metamorphosis and am I totally different person. I don't think I have ever been through as many experiences in my life then I have in the last year (good and bad). Although I experienced a lot of suffering and hardships in this last couple years, especially in the institution, I do not regret any of it. The reason I am a totally different person (in a good way), is because of those experiences. It has taught me so much and I feel like if I got through that, then I can get through anything.

I contacted a friend that I was close to in the institution and we talked about our transformation as people and how much we still have to grow. It has made both of us stronger people and I seriously think that what I went through was the best thing that has ever happened to me. If it wasn't for the mistakes I made and the people who supported me, and even the people who screwed me over (I say that because it showed me who my true friends were.), I wouldn't be the person I am today. In fact, I doubt you would even be reading this, or any of my blog, because I wouldn't be here writing it.

My life hasn't in anyway been terrible, and most of my problems were self created, but life does throw difficult situations at you, no matter who you are or where you come from. And I believe that those difficult situations are what shapes us as humans; it's what makes us who we are.

So you can make plans for the future or you can live for the now, but either way, you will go through hard times. And instead of looking at it as a bad thing and that you will never get past it, try and think of how much stronger you are becoming and the greater knowledge you are gaining. The more experiences people go through in life, depending on how they deal with it of course, the greater advantages they will have.

Today I have hope for the future; knowing that I'm only sixteen and have come this far, I am ready for what the future has in store for me.

A Day In The Mind Of...

With all the things going on in the world lately, it's so hard to keep up with peoples expectations. Honestly, I don't want to keep up. I consider myself to be someone who thinks a lot and sometimes I think too much, and it really hurts me. I over analyze so many different situations everyday. Instead of just doing a simple task, I have to look at it from twenty different angles and inspect if it's really worth it. Sometimes, I love that about myself but lately, it's getting tiring. I just want to be able to do something without having to go crazy first, or let things go in a day instead of hanging on to them for eternity (it feels like).

So, I stayed home to re-group and meditate today. My first step was to write about this and now I am turning on The Beatles. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da! Life goes on I guess.

Do You Realize??

I was listening to The Flaming Lips' 'Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots' album today and the song "Do You Realize" came on. I have listened to this song many times before and I have always enjoyed it, but today the lyrics really struck me. What Wayne Coyne sings about is remarkably profound and I see it as somewhat sad. But when listening to the song today, it made me smile. Here is the lyrics:


Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - Oh - Oh - Oh
Do You Realize - that everyone you know
Someday will die -

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize

Tryptophan...It's a miracle

It's so amazing the power that food has in your daily life. Recently a friend told me about an amino acid thats essential in the human diet called tryptophan. What tryptophan does is it increases the nuerotransmitter, serotonin, which in basic terms, increases your mood. Many people who suffer from depression and anxiety look towards prescription medications such as Prozac and Zoloft. These mediactions are what is called SSRI's (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) and have been proven to be very effective in treating disorders like depression and so on. But basically the medications are doing the same thing as tryptophan, however, tryptophan is found in foods, not in a pharmacutical. The amino acid is found in high amounts in foods such as chicken breast, parmesan cheese, turkey, salmon, milk and shrimp. Placing these foods as a high priority in your diet is a much safer and healthier way to increase mood and concentration than prescription drugs, considering the sideeffects in them.

Now, if you take these medications and they work for you, then by all means I am not against that. I know several people who have awaken from depression and their life has had a complete 180 degree turn around thanks to SSRI's and I am totally for that.

But personally, I can say that by eating high amounts of tryptophan daily, along with excercise and supplements, my mood and life in general seems a lot better. It might sound ridiculous but I don't know where I'd be without this knoweledge. If I come home from school feeling irritable or discontent, I eat a can of tunafish and drink a glass of milk and I feel better. When my friend first introduced me to this new diet I wasn't completely convinced; but after trying the diet out, I am now, obviously, or I wouldn't be writing about this. Plus, the food tastes delicious. I'm sure most of you already eat these foods, but maybe not as frequently.

I wanted to share this because of the impact it had on my life. I hope this sounds interesting and I recommend you give it a shot.

My daily diet usually includes one food that has a high amount of tryptophan in every meal. I still eat potatoe chips and drink soda, but not as frequently. I also take two focus factor (I'm sure you've seen the ad.) a day and try and excercise as much as I can.

What Life Is All About

When I was younger I grew up in a christian church and that was all I knew. Up until I was fourteen I lived my life with restrictions and limitations; following the rules, or shall I say demands, that the church taught me. As I started getting older I ventured to different beliefs and discovered a more independent side of me, reading and researching things I didn't know were out there.

I am now what is considered an atheist to most people as I don't people believe in a creator. (Although, I hate being labeled into a category because of my personal beliefs.) Now, this is not to say I don't respect other peoples beliefs or religion because I feel that what works for them and what makes them happy, is what they should follow. I am still a spiritual person and I believe in spiritual experiences, but I have come to realize that I should follow what makes me happy and what improves my quality of life. Not necessarily doing whatever I want or feel like, because that can lead to dark places, as I have experienced already, but more like meditating and searching for the things that make me feel good.

Meeting new and interesting people and educating myself about other cultures and how people live is extremely interesting and it gives me a new perspective on life, instead of just believing one certain thing. Like, I don't really like the label "atheist" because most people assume that I don't believe in anything and I just roam the earth to die. That is not it all. I have researched and read many different religions and beliefs and I choose to follow whatever works for me. I believe some Buddhist teachings, and even some things in the bible, as well as meditation and so on.

My purpose in life, at the moment, is to improve my quality of life and to help others do the same. I do this by eating right and keeping my mind and body healthy, as well as gaining as much knowledge as possible and experiencing as many things as I can to grow as a person. I love learning about new things because it makes me feel like I have an advantage in life. Sort of like I can see where people are coming from and why they do certain things.

As I get older I want to travel to other places, meet as many people as possible and maybe, because I love to write, make a difference by sharing what I learn through writing. That is what I believe success is and when I pass I hope to feel satisfied.

"The purpose in life is not to live forever, but to create something that will."
I love that quote but I'm not sure who said it. That kind of sums up how I live my life and how I plan to continue living my life.

First Post

I have been wanting to start this blog for a couple weeks now, but I think I chose the opportune time to start writing. I'm sitting here in front of my desktop, at 5:30 in the morning, reflecting on all the things that have been going on in my life the past few weeks and it blows my mind how life can throw so many unexpected things your way. I look back a month or so and I see myself at the lunch table in school, sitting next to my girlfriend and I remember how disappointed I was that I wasn't going to attend Ultra Music Festival on March 28 and 29. Then, I fast forward to today where I am thinking of how much I miss my now, ex-girlfriend and why the relationship didn't work out. On the other hand I can counteract those depressing thoughts with the memories of how incredible Ultra Music Festival was. It's so mind boggling how suddenly things occur. A week before the festival I had a conversation with my sister on how desperately I wanted to go to Ultra but how the prices were too expensive and I couldn't afford a ticket. And right there on the spot she tells me that she will split the ticket with my mom if I agree to only attend the second day, considering the 2-day pass is 120 bucks more. I couldn't comprehend how excited and at the same time shocked I was feeling that I was going to be joining my girlfriend and best friend at one of the biggest electronic music events in the world! My mood was especially high for the next week as I anticipated the event and when it finally came, I couldn't have asked for a better experience. Then, the morning after the greatest day of my life, my three month relationship with the girl of my dreams came to an end as she says that she can't handle a relationship. We had an amazing time together at Ultra and the break up completely stunned me. The sudden change from one extreme to the next left me blank and my mind simply couldn't grasp what and why things were happening this way. It being the start of spring break, we agreed to not talk until the day before school starts again (which would be today). My two best friends and I were together pretty much 24/7 during the break and it helped eased the pain and keep my mind focused elsewhere, which I can't thank them enough for being there when I needed them the most. So now I have had some time to think about the past two weeks and today is the day when we are supposed to talk again and I have to say I am anxious. Life just throws so many curve balls your direction that I guess you can plan a pretty picnic but you can't predict the weather. Who knows what will happen next.....

I would like to add that I didn't plan on my blog being about relationship issues but rather on my ideas and philosophies of life. But this was on my mind and I needed to write about it.